Awards season is fast approaching. It’s time for the annual doling of gold-plated figurines (conspicuously absent of genitalia) to already overrated people. Joan Rivers will crawl out of her Botox den to criticize poor, unsuspecting famous folk. Sadly, Kanye is in rehab this year, so there will be no shenanigans on his part.

In the spirit of the season I’ve decided to create my own award, aptly titled “The Beatmaker.” Candidates selected for this honor are pruned to rigorous standards, arbitrarily set forth by me. The best part is, you don’t even have to be famous to get one. Beatmakers will be chosen based on the following categories:

Talent in Any Given Field. Style. Charming Wit and Personality. The Ability to Lift Heavy Objects. Intelligence. Knowing the Difference Between “Your” and “You’re.” My Own Whimsy.

The first Beatmaker EVER goes to…


Who is this guy?

If you don’t recognize him, he plays nerd extraordinaire on the CBS Show “Criminal Minds.” He also was in (500) Days of Summer and did the voice of Simon in the Alvin and the Chipmunks movies.

He modeled for Marc Jacobs, Louis Vuitton, Burberry, and many others.

Just why does he deserve such a prestigious award?

1. He once busted his kneecaps in a dance battle with Joseph Gordon-Levitt at a Mexican divebar.

2. He’s quite hilario. Check his youtube.

3. His cardigans get me hot and bothered.

By the non-existent powers in me, I henceforth proclaim Matthew Gray Gubler, Beatmaker of the month for January.

FYI A Beatmaker is worth 3 Oscars, 5 Grammy, 2 Golden Globes and 17.5 Tony Awards. I’m sure Mr. Gubler is stoked to the brim.

Remember, celebrity status is NOT required for a Beatmaker. If you would like to nominate someone for a Beatmaker award (famous or not), leave a comment or send an email.

You MUST include 3 reasons why your candidate should be chosen and include a picture.

If you or your candidate is selected for a Beatmaker award, you will receive instant blog stardom and a free CSC logo shirt and sticker. Sweet deal.


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