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I haven’t written a blog in forever cause I’ve been busy with school, working everyday and generally just being a broke ass ninja, but I had to come back when I saw the 2013 VMAs. This had to be the worst VMAs in fucking history…not that anyone has taken MTV seriously since I was a zygote. But to the point…

Lady Garbage Gaga opened the show with a performance so hilarious, it was like a scene from Spring Breakers. Except that movie wasn’t supposed to be funny either…or was it? I don’t know. The whole performance seemed like an SNL skit…it was so odd it went into the realm of parody. I was half expecting Andy Samberg to appear on stage wearing a black unitard and facepaint…but wait, Gaga’s backup dancers were doing that shit anyway!

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Miley Cyrus had to put her stank on everything as usual. She was sticking her tongue everywhere, “twerking” awkwardly and traveling with her usual crew of paid black puppets. This reminds me of when Gwen Stefani used to roll with those Asian slaves all the time.

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Drake’s head against a background of blue skies while he sang reminded me of Teletubbies. And of course he went from crooning a emo, techno-ish whiny song to his hit about “starting from the bottom”…does he mean the bottom of a wheelchair ramp? Cause he was on a wheelchair in Degrassi…get it? Hehehe…

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The show wasn’t a total bust ’cause I got to see N’Sync make a comeback. That’s every girl who lived through 90s wet dream come alive.

AND ON A FINAL NOTE…IF THIS DOESN’T GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES, I DONT KNOW WHAT WILL.

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Snoop a.k.a. Snoopy Doggy Dogg a.k.a. Snoop Lion a.k.a. DJ Snoopadelic has released a new EDM mixtape entitled “Loose Joints.” It’s a chill mix, though it’s more suited for a relaxing drive down PCH than any club-banging and/or fist-pumping antics.

I also don’t understand how one can call oneself a DJ with no actual track mixing or blending whatsoever….but I digress.

Download or stream HERE.
For more info on Snoop Lion’s foray into new musical territory, check out his collab with Major Lazer HERE.

Love him (like I do) or hate him, you can’t deny that Mr. West has a heavy influence on pop culture. So in honor of Kanye’s birthday today, let’s live like Kanye. Ask yourself, “WWKD?”

Some bitch you don’t like talking too much? Cut her off with the famous opening line, “Imma let you finish but…”

Boss giving you shit at work? Let ’em know he can’t tell you nothin’. When you’re in the unemployment line gettin’ that welfare check, we’ll see who gets the last laugh…

 

Even if you are a broke ass ninja like me and couldn’t afford to attend round 1 of Coachella over the weekend, chances are you heard about the posthumous, weirdo, futuristic type hologram performance of Tupac at the famed music fest. While a few people were stoked to see their favorite rapper reincarnated on stage, most people were upset, some going as far as to say the hologram was “sacrilege” to Tupac’s actual persona.

THIS SHIT IS TOO REAL!

I love ‘Pac as much as anyone who spent a decent amount of their life in the 1990s, but honestly I wasn’t that concerned about the performance, as I was about the fucking hologram in general. Is anyone else not frightened by this technology? Of course it seems cool when we’re jamming to holograms of our favorite dead singers’ but what about when this shit crosses the line?

Will I eventually be able I pay to have sex with an eerily life-likeĀ Benjamin Franklin hologram for a large sum of dollar bills (with his face on it)…

I joke but honestly this Holopac has got me freaked out. It seems like humanity is getting closer to the eventual day where there will be no need for actual human contact, and we’ll all live in virtual reality like a huge game of Second Life or that oneĀ Bruce Willis movie, “The Surrogates.” And trust me, if you haven’t seen that movie, you don’t want to live through it…it’s a pretty shitty movie.

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No, that’s not an ex-contestant on “From Gs to Gents”…it’s James Fucking Franco. Why is he dressed like this, you may query…He’s starring in a movie with Vanessa Hudgens. And Selena Gomez. Apparently he plays the girls’ sketchy drug dealer, whilst they engage in booze-fueled spring break hijinks. Sounds like a winner!

Isn’t this dude an Oscar-nominated actor? Why would he even share a screen with a girl most known for showing her underage beaver (or Bieber in Selena’s case). ‘Tis mind-boggling. But then again, this is the same guy that appeared on that one soap opera my mom watches in the mid-afternoon for no apparent reason. I’d like to get inside Franco’s noggin for one day and just see what’s going on in there…

I saw these rapping British children dressed as princesses on Ellen today. While party of me wanted to go “aww shucks, that’s adorable” the other part of me thought, “aww hell to the naw, what is wrong with the world?!?”

While the girls (especially the little brunette one) are talented, it disturbed me that these kids are emulating Nicki Minaj. I don’t have any babies, but if I I did, I don’t think I’d want them glorifying anyone who uses the word “anus” in a song…It reminded of a brilliant article I read HERE about the degradation and commercialism of pop music today.

I’ll get off my high horse now and stop with the preachy junk. After all, in 2nd grade my favorite song was “Gin & Juice” and I turned out only slightly abnormal…