I haven’t written a blog in forever cause I’ve been busy with school, working everyday and generally just being a broke ass ninja, but I had to come back when I saw the 2013 VMAs. This had to be the worst VMAs in fucking history…not that anyone has taken MTV seriously since I was a zygote. But to the point…
Lady Garbage Gaga opened the show with a performance so hilarious, it was like a scene from Spring Breakers. Except that movie wasn’t supposed to be funny either…or was it? I don’t know. The whole performance seemed like an SNL skit…it was so odd it went into the realm of parody. I was half expecting Andy Samberg to appear on stage wearing a black unitard and facepaint…but wait, Gaga’s backup dancers were doing that shit anyway!
Miley Cyrus had to put her stank on everything as usual. She was sticking her tongue everywhere, “twerking” awkwardly and traveling with her usual crew of paid black puppets. This reminds me of when Gwen Stefani used to roll with those Asian slaves all the time.
Drake’s head against a background of blue skies while he sang reminded me of Teletubbies. And of course he went from crooning a emo, techno-ish whiny song to his hit about “starting from the bottom”…does he mean the bottom of a wheelchair ramp? Cause he was on a wheelchair in Degrassi…get it? Hehehe…
The show wasn’t a total bust ’cause I got to see N’Sync make a comeback. That’s every girl who lived through 90s wet dream come alive.
AND ON A FINAL NOTE…IF THIS DOESN’T GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES, I DONT KNOW WHAT WILL.
THE BEAT: BY CSC 